Something I just didn't need

I lost my job on Friday. Laid off with my department at the bnak shutting down...or at least changing radically. Since I was on the marketing end of things, I was the first to go. My boss will be taking early retirement next spring also. 11 years in the same place and no warning whatsoever, besides the fact that things were slow the last few months.

No really to worry, though. I got a pretty good severance package. Also, they still want me at the bnak and we are trying to find another position that I might be able to slide into. I've also got a red-hot lead with Well Fargo already. So I'm not too worried. I've got my resume already together and probably 4-5 places that I will send it tomorrow.

What do I do with this spiritually, though? I have no idea. When this gets factored in with my dad's illness and my call to full-time pastoral ministry, where do I go with this? My issue is how to interpret this from a spiritual point of view. And I have no answers right now. I was talked to Brigette, our church office manager about this today and she said that I tell and teach people how to interpret things like this everyday. She is right...that's part of my job. But it is easier when it is someone else. When it is me, I need to look a bit deeper than I normally do.

A postcard!! Silly me

Whenever my friend Matt goes on vacation, he sends me a postcard...maybe even one for everyday he and his family go away.When they went on vacation last year, he sent postcard the first day. I thought that was nice. Then another one came the second day. And on the third.

So when Matt found out I was gone a few days to the Russian River, his first comment was on the lack of postcards appearing daily in his mailbox. Well Matt, I did think of you. We were only about 25 from Fort Ross. Forst Ross is an old military installation used by the Russians in the 19th century (I think). For Matt's church, it holds a certain significance, being that his is an Eastern Orthodox church. I think the church makes a trip up there once a year to commemorate something. Beyond that, I can't be specific. But Matt can. And probably will be.

Russian River vacation

Although the weather did not cooperate 100%, we still managed to have an enjoyable time on vacation. We had a little cabin on the banks of the Russian River near the little town of Duncans Mills. The living space in the cabin was pretty decent, the but bedrooms were tiny. It ended up that Regan and Caleb both had a room and Christa and I slept on the couches (very comfy). It did rain a little when we were there and the weather was pretty much overcast at other times, but we still got out.

The one sunny day was Friday and we went hiking at Armstrong Redwoods State Park, just out of Guerneville. Great, humongous redwoods. Caleb had never seen such trees! There was a littel kids game that the ranger handed out, finding certain trees, etc. which Caleb loved. Regan loved it also. She had never been in a place like that before and loved touching trees, branches and leaves.

We also got to go wading in the Russian River and Caleb put his raft it. The river was not very deep and actually a bit warmer than I thought it would be. I could almost wade all the way across, but it got deep about 20 feet from the far shore (about 3 1/2 feet deep otherwise. It is September, after all). They also had a tree swing and a tetherball set. Caleb had never played tetherball before and, of coursem loved it.

We also went to the ocean at Bodega Bay. Great cheeseburgers at a local hangout-can't remember the name right now. Christa stayed in the car with Regan, who was asleep and Caleb and I went to the beach at Salmon Creek where all the surfers are. We found a big hole that someone had dug and Caleb and I spent time throwing kelp in it. Caleb said we were killing all the sea snakes.

I really enjoy quick vacations like this. It's not so much getting away to do anything dramatic, but it is a chance for the family to be together for some fun times in a new place and a chance for me to play with the kids more than I get to do at home. This was probably our last trip for awhile. We might try Sorensens in January for 3-4 days. A chance for the kids to play in the snow.

Going on vacation

We are getting out of town on Thursday for 4 days of vacation. We've got a cabin up in a little town on the Russian River called Duncan Mills. It's literally right on the river. Go down the path and there you are. It's about 10 miles from Jenner on the ocean also. A couple at church who own the cabin are giving us a free rental of it for the 4 days.

After everything that has gone on with my father the last few weeks, this will be a good chance to get away. We'll bring Caleb's raft and throw it in the river every day. We'll go to the beach at Jenner. We'll go to the Korbel Winery one day and have a picnic. Good, relaxing family time.

My recent prayer life

For the last couple of weeks or so, my prayer live has revolved very much around my father. Surprise, surprise. Other items that I normally pray about (ministry, family, faith, etc.) have ended up a bit in the background. Even my job search has ended up at least in second place. What I do pray about in regards to that deals with wisdom in how to conduct the job search in lieu of my father's illness. I continue to pray for him for salvation, that I would have enough time and courage to share the gospel with him as I should.

Why I am still here

Since January, I have been searching for a full-time pastoral job. I have gotten close on a couple and had to turn down one or two opportunities. I have had to ask myself why this search is taking so long and why God will not bless me with what it is that He has called me to do. Lately, it has been a bit frustrating.

And now my father has terminal cancer and is not a believer in Jesus Christ. Now I know why I am here. Now I know why God has not blessed me with a pastoral job in Oregnon, Idaho or wherever. I need to be here. Nowhere else. I am fully convinced that I am here because God wants me to lead my father to Jesus Christ. If that were to happen, it would be one of the greatest moments in my life

next stage men's group

In two weeks, I am starting my next men's small group, but this one will be markedly different from the last one. This will not be a year-long group because I cannot guarantee at all that I will be here in a year. Actually, I hope that I am not.

This will be a one-quarter long group (probably stretching into January a bit) that will look at the Abraham stories in Genesis 12-25. Bob Gustafson will be co-leading the group with me and I am grateful for the help in splitting up the leadership. This is also not an 'invite-only' group as my other groups have been but rather it is open to all men, though there are still a couple whom I am encouraging to join.

The signups for the group have been interesting so far and it promises to be a wildly divergent group. At one end, I have a young man named Dimitri, who is 18 years old and English is his second language, though he speaks very well. Then there is A man named Steve who is very well-versed in Scripture and ministry and has grown children. Everyone else seems to run in between these two. We have one more week of signups and then I will have the final numbers. So far, there are 7 men and I am hoping for 1-2 more

Update on my father

My father's illness is terminal...as we suspected. We held out some hope because, although the tumor is inoperable, the word terinal had no been used. Worse still is the fact that the prognosis is only short term. If he does not undergo any chemo treatment, he's got 1-2 months. If does undergo chemo, maybe up to a year. But we don't know how he will handle the chemo since he is 84. No decision has been made about whether to pursue a treatment option or not.

I need to talk to my father about God. For all intents and purposes, he is an atheist, or at best, an agnostic. BUt it is times like this that serve to turn people either towards God or away from God. My prayer is that this will turn him towards God in the time he has left. And it needs to start with me. The first step is today, just simply telling him that I and many others are pryaing for him. just from that, I'll begin to have an idea of where his heart is regarding divine things.

The Road

Every so often, I read a book that sticks like oatmeal on your ribs. Some books are throwaway. You read them, enjoy them, forget about them and give the book away. Not so with this one, which, even though I finished it 2 months ago, still haunts me on at least a weekly basis if not a daily one.

The book is called 'The Road' by Cormac McCarthy. Bestseller and all that. Also an Oprah book. I managed to overlook this part because I know McCarthy to be a solid writer. He writes westerns as well, including 'All The Pretty Horses', a definite classic. What is it about this book? No other book I have ever read has ever made me cry. But this one did in the last few pages.

The basic plot has a father and son (probably about 10 years old), both unnamed through the entire book, wandering through a post-apocalyptic world. It is never said what happened, whether it was nuclear, disease or whatever. What happened is irrelevent. The world they now live in is what is relevent. It is a world in which nothing grows, most people are dead and those who aren't eke out some sort of halfway existence by finding old stashes of canned food wherever they can and even resorting to cannibalism at times (this is only hinted at, not explicitly described.

The father and son wander throughout this world, trying to get to the ocean where they think things might be better. Most of the book is about their daily live as they struggle for just mere existence. Occasionally they see or run into people in the same shape that they are. Some are good but most are bad. As the book proceeds, the father's health declines and it becomes clear that he will die before the end of the book.

Die he does in the last 10 pages or so. Once the boy has left his father's body, he is approached by a man who has been following them and knows what has happened. He is part of a group that is also trying to survive and they are the good guys. This small group has more of a family feel, with a woman and at least one other child. At the end, they bury the father and the boy goes with the new group.

What affected me about the book is what it really is about. It's not about a man and a boy wandering through a dead world looking for food. It's about the love that a father has for his son and that the son has for the father. They will do anything for each other and each one's entire world is the other person. When the father died and I was able to understand the extent of his love for his son, that is what made me cry. Even though I love my son Caleb intensly, my love for him has deepened even more. When I had finished the book, even though Caleb was asleep, I climbed into bed with him to hold him tight.

My father's illness

It has been a tough ten days or so. My father has been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer. He has a tumor on his pancreas that is about 2 inches long and cannot be removed because of all the blood vessels, etc. surrounding it. No official prognosis has been made, but pancreatic cancer is not one of the better cancers, they can't take it out and my dad is 84 years old.

It was discovered because he has some symptoms which needed to be diagnosed. First, he was losing weight. Second, no appetite. Third, pain in the abdominal area. The weight loss was caused by the tumor preventing any nutrition from food getting anywhere in his body. He's also got some bad jaundice right now because the tumor is blocking the bile ducts and things are backing up. The doctor is going to do surgery on Thursday to connect his intestine directly to his stomach, which (I guess) will release the jaundice and allow him to begin getting nutrition and hopefully gaining weight again.

After that, they will meet with the oncologist to determine a plan of treatment, whether it be chemo, radiation or whatever. I'lll keep posting here and updating his condition.