What Caleb wants me to pray for

Every night when I tuck Caleb into bed, I pray for him. Recently, I've begun asking him what he wants me to pray for. His standard response has been "All of the things"

When I asked him last night what he would like me to pray for, he said, "Daddy, you need to pray for all of things all of the time. Can you remember that?"

Another good blog to read

For those who read the odd blog here and there, I want to call your attention to another one. It's at rub-a-dub.blogspot.com.

My friend Matt writes it and it is largely spiritual mixed with home doings and the odd orgasmic response to good food. He writes from an Eastern Orthodox perspective, which I find highly interesting and highly parochial. Yet EAstern Orthodox theology and practice challenges me and helps me to keep asking the question of how to effectively worship God and minister to those He has given me. I may find Matt controversial at times (at least in terms of Protesant theology) but never boring.

So Matt (yes, this is for you). Iv'e got 2 pop music cds you need to check out, both by Bruce Springsteen. The first is with The Seeger Sessions Band and is a collection of old Pete Seeger songs (as opposed to all his new material). It's Dixieland folk music. The second one is the new Springsteen cd called "Magic". Just listen and enjoy.

Got a job!!!

Yes,I am no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. No longer a burden to society. And boy, did it happen fast!!

I got a call about noon yesterday from kaiperm Federal Credit Union. They are the credit union for Kaiser Permanente. They are getting more into the auto finance world and were looking for an area rep. They wanted to interview me at 3:30 and they told me I had teh job at the end of the interview. It's not 100% official yet, because I still have to pass the background check and receive the actual offer, but this sounds like a great opportunity.

So give praise and glory to God for what He has done. Today is the last day of my severance package from the bank. I start at Kaiperm on Wednesday. That means that I will be officially unemployed for only 1 day, that being New Year's Eve.

Seismic prayer shift

It started a couple of weeks ago with a many named Jeremy who is in my small group Bible study. He was concerned about some financial blessings that he was sure God would bring to him but hadn't yet. He was unsure whether he should thank God in prayer for what he was convinced God would give him or continue to pray that God would give it to him. His concern was whether, if he prayed that God would give it to him, that he wuld be showing a lack of faith instead of simply being in thanks for God's provision.

After a long discussion, we came to the con clusion that we need to do both. We need to thank God for the way that He is providing for us, and yet atthe same time, pray that He would continue to provide for us.

Upon a couple days reflection and prayer, I realized that this situation also pertained to me in being unemployed. I've spent so much time praying that God would provide me with a job that I had forgotten to thank Him for the way that He had already been providing for me. He has given us a good severance package. He has given us unemployment money. He has given Christa work during the week to help out. He has given us good financial skillsl in order to deal with this. He has also given me a unique opportunity to be with my kids in a way that would be impossible elsewhere.

So my prayer has undergone a seismic shift. I no longer simply pray for a job. I give constant thanks for what God is already doing in out lives and I pray for the faith and trust to continue to look to Hm in the future.

Why the ants would survive a nuclear war

We've been having a b it of an ant problem lately but I think I am winning. I'm killing more of them then they are of us.

Yesterday I found some ants crawling around in the microwave when I needed to use it. But instead of leaning out the ants, I just warmed up the food that I needed to in there. When I opened up the microwave to take out the food, the ants were still crawling around. The microwave did not affect them at all

Being totally blessed

We have been adopted by a family ( actually a collection of families who are all related) this year for Christmas. The other day, they brought over some Christmas presents totaling about $500! Included in this were diapers, formula and baby wipes for Regan, clothes for Christa (she needs them for her job), a gift or two for Caleb, something for me (not opened yet), $100 gift card from Macy's and $225 in cash.

We have been blessed beyond belief in this season of being unemployed. Not only are we extremely grateful for this, but it has made Christa and I think about how we might respond. We've decided that, starting next year (assuming I'm employed by then!) that we are going to adopt a family at church also and do the same for them. We want to bless a family that is down on it's luck and help them. Ideally, we'd like to do this with a series of families so that we can really bless someone.

Tonight's menu

It's Friday, the night where if I'm reaaly going to cook, this is the night.

We are having grilled buttermilk chicken with herbs. Christa made this a couple of weeks ago when she went to a Simple Chef night that the church's women's ministry put on. I'm also making mashed potatoes with goat cheese and carrots that are sauteed with a balsamic glaze.

Since it is Friday, it is also Martini Night.

Blessings from others

Being unemployed this Christmas season has been on opportunity for us to be blessed by others. One family at church gave us a $200 gift card for Lucky's. Another family iscdropping off some Christmas gifts tonight including such necessities as diapers and baby formula. Neither one of these family are particularly close to us.

Christa has been a little reluctant to accept sopme of these gifts, but I think we need to be open to the way that God is going to bless us in the midst of everything going on. I am also firmly resolved to do the same to others as soon as I get a job. I want to provide food and monetary assistance to a family in our church who is going through what we are going through.

College group

At Bay Hills, we are beginning to have a college ministry. A man I know at church named Alex has been halping out to get this thing going and he just told me today that he is not going to be able to do it. He is also involved with our high school ministry and told me that high school is where his true heart for ministry is and he can't do both. So it looks like I might be taking that over, at least on an interim basis. Whenever we hire a new youth pastor, this will be his ministry. But even if we were to hire someone today, it would be 3-4 months before he would be able to dig into the college ministry. First he will have to get the high school and jr high ministries running full steam ahead.

Right now there are 5 people in this college group. 2 guys named Joseph and Nikita, a girl named Amanda and 2 other girls whose names I don't know. Alex and I will be getting together Friday morning to talk about this ministry. Right now there is a strong emphasis on relational ministry, which I want to keep. Teaching needs to be important also but I think we will just tell stories...probably Abraham stories, since that is where my heart has been for the last year and a half or so

Caleb's theology takes a hit

Caleb's favorite game to play is Candyland. Sometimes we play it a half dozen times per day. For some reason, he wins 2/3 of the time...and I don't let him win. For those who are not familiar with Candyland, you draw cards with different colors on them an go through a maze to get to the end and win. But there are some wild cards which, if drawn, send you to a different part of the board, sometimes forward and sometimes backward. The 2 worst cards to get, especially if you are near the end, are the gingerbread man and the peanut.

When we were playing the other day, I was getting close to winning when Caleb closed his eyes and prayed, saying, "Dear God, please let daddy get the peanut" (He prays this somewhat regularly during the game). The next card he drew was the peanut, sending him almost back to the beginning. He then closed his eyes again and said, "No, God, not me...it was for daddy!"

Franz Kafka

'If the book we are reading does not wake us, as with a first hammering on our skull, why then do we read it? So that it shall make us happy? Good God, we would also be happy if we had no books, and such books as make us happy we could, if need be, write ourselves. But what we must have are those books which come upon us like ill-fortune, and distress us deeply, like the death of one e love better than ourselves, like suicide. A book must be an ice axe to break the sea frozen within us.

Franz Kafka

A nice bruise on the side of my face

Caleb and I were playing some type of hide-and-seek/scare the kid game yesterday afternoon. He was in the bathroom and I was on the far side of the door. When he opened the door just a little bit, I said "BOO!" He then swung the door totally open and caught me on the left side of the face right near the eye. Hurt like a mother. Now I've got a nice scratch and bruise there. I'm waiting for people to ask who hit me

Job update

Right now I've got three things working as far as a job goes...one with a bank and two with churches.

The one with a bank is with The Mechanics Bank. It's a Sales Manager position on the corporate banking side. I'm the only internal candidate that they are interviewing, although they are looking at a couple of external candidates. I've got a good feeling about this, not only because I'm the only internal candidate but the fact that years of service with the bank and the fact that I marketed auto dealers is a big plus for me.

The first church job is in Walla Walla. This seems like a good fit as far as ministry description, theological outlook and ministry style. I've had a couple of interviews with them and am waiting to hear back about whether we will be making a trip to Washington to candidate for the position.

The other church is closer, in Chowchilla. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go out there and candidate after New Year's. I've been as much as told that. I could almost commute there...not every day, though...until we sell the house. Beautiful church, growing community and reasonable home prices.

Working the angles

I'm reading Eugene Peterson's book "Working The Angles" for the first time in several years, but it is feeling as if it is the first time. This book is quickly becoming formative for how I do and see ministry.

A pastor does 3 main things which are visible to the congregation. These are preaching, teaching and administration (running the church). This is what the church sees week in and week out. If ministry were to be seen as a triangle, these are the three lines.

But what gives the lines their peculiar shape? How do these 3 lines go from being just simply three visible lines to being a triangle? It is all in the angles. A triangle without angles is nothing but a cuple of lines. There is something else at work to give shape to these visible lines.

Peterson says the three angles which give shape to pastoral ministry are prayer, Scripture study and spiritual direction. These are the things which a pastor does but which are generally invisible to the congregation. We do not often see the pastor at prayer, studying Scripture or giving spieitual direction to anyone (usually done on an individual basis but can be in a small group as well). Without these three essentials, the triangle of ministry simply consists of 3 unconnnected lines.

These are the three areas in my ministry that I will be working on in the near future. I work on these three angles to an extent, but not to the level that I need to. Without these as being essentialo in my ministry, it too will just drift into inconsequential lines, unconnected to much anything else. These are the angles to work on

Caleb's perspective on Santa

Christa and Caleb were in San Francisco yesterday, in the Union Square area. Seeing the big Christmas tree in Neiman Marcus, the puppies in the window at Macy's, etc. Caleb also got to sit on Santa's lap and tell Santa what he wanted to Christmas.

Christa asked Santa to get me a job for Christmas. upon hearing this, Caleb said, "That's too big for your sled!"

Not a movie to easily forget

Christa and I had our first date night last night since I lost my job. The entire evening only cost us $10, thanks to a Starbucks card and movie passes. The only cost was the babysitter.

We went to see the new Coen brother's movie "No Country FOr Old Men". Not a move which will easily slip from the consciousness. It's set up as a Western, but takes place in 1980 amid dusty towns and hotels in Texas. A hunter discovers 2 million dollars in a drug buy gone bad but there is one guy who knows who he is...and he's only of the best/worst bad guys in years. He kills because he likes it and carries a cattle gun with an air compressor on it. He kills about 15 people during the course of the movie. Javier Barden plays him. The one he is chasing is played by Josh Brolin. The world-weary sheriff chasing both of them is played by TOmmy Lee Jones.

There's virtually no music in the movie at all, which only adds to the gloom and mystery surrounding it. The tension is constant with the audiencealways wondering what will come next. Dark, dark stuff. Don't miss it

Caleb gets one right

We were watching Jeopardy tonight. Caleb likes to play along and he has developed 2 standard answers for all questions. These are "What is Africa?" and "What is Regan?" (his sister's name). FOr every question, he shouted out one of these 2 answers.

But tonight the category was "I was his Veep" They will give a vice-president, and the response is the president he served under. Sure enough, the first question in the category was "George Bush". Caleb quickly shouted out "Who is Regan."

Grilled lemon shrimp

I want to share a recipe for the best grilled shrimp I have ever had. It's a lemon-olive oil marinade that also works well as a salad dressing. I used extra marinade as a dressing for some sliced tomatoes

1/2 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup sliced scallions
1/4 cup parsley
5 garlic cloved, minced finely
3 tbs soy sauce
2 tbs sesame oil

Mix these ingredients together and brush on shrimp as they are grilled. I'm convinced that the secret to this recipe is the sesame oil, so don't forget it

How my father's service ended up being one of the most fun evenings in a long time

I'm grateful for the love and support of friends during my father's illness and passing. 2 epsecially close friends came to the service. Matt lives in San Jose but Mike drove up from Orange County. He said he just needed to be here.

After the service, some of us went back to my mom's place for some food and drink. Both Matt and Mike came and we were up drinking Martinis and Port Wine until almost midnight, laughing and having a great time. Thank God for great friends like these and for the fun we had

My father

My father died last Thursday, Nov 1. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about 2 months ago or so and was given a terminal diagnosis of 1-2 months. He just about made it to the 3rd month. He did not really suffer and went quietly early in the morning with my mother there. The effects of the cancer had only begna to show themselves a couple of weeks before, with general weakness and swelling in the legs. He became bedridden 2 days before he passed.

We had a memorial service for him on Monday at a funeral home in San Mateo. They had a large room and a smaller room. We booked the smaller room (seats 65) because we did not know how many people would show up and the large room was booked. The funeral home called the morning of the service to let us know that the larger room was now available because that service had been cancelled. How do you cancel a memorial service? Did someone get better???

We are glad we took the larger room (seats 200) because we just about sold it out. People came out of the woodwork. There was a woman there whose son had been in Boy Scouts with me 25 years ago-she acted like we were best friends.

It was a fitting tribute to my father. Numerous people got up to speak and TJ, our worhsip pastor, came to provide music.

Things coming to a head

Things are heating up on the job search. I've still got 3 very strong possibilities (not counting churches). They are at Bank of the West, Evangelical Christian Credit Union and The Mechanics Bank.

I have an interview at Bank of The West on Wed at 11. THis seems almost like a slam dunk. Tom, my former boss at Mechanics Bank knows the guy I'm interviewing with. He's looking for someone just like me.

My third interview with the credit union is tomorrow at 10.

Mechanicss BAnk is considering me for a Sales manager position in the corporate bnaking side of things. I think there's a bit of guilt on the bnak's side about having to let me go, so there might be a little pressure to find something else for me. THis could be it

The Boss

My friend Steve and I went to see Bruce Springsteen in concert last night. After all that's been going on with my dad and the job search the last few weeks, this was a good escape for a few hours. Of course I bought the tickets before I got laid off...otherwise I wouldn't have gone.

The Boss was The Boss. Greatest concert in the world (no matter what you Stones and Dave Matthews people say) How he can still go out night after night at age 57 and do this is beyond me. There were a lot of the classics ('Badlands', 'No Surrender', "The Promised Land'), some nuggets from the past ("Thundercrack', "Tunnel of Love'). Plus all the new stuff which sounded great even thought i don't have the album yet ('Radio Nowhere', 'Girls in Their Summer Clothes', 'Gypsy Biker').

Bunny and Billy Karnes

Bunny Karnes died 2 days ago. She was the mother of my friend Matt and one of the sweetest women you could ever meet. She was probably about 80 and died of (I guess) natural causes. Her husband Billy died probably about a year or so ago.

We used to go out to the ranch where they lived outside of Visalia for some holidays. Sometimes it was just me and sometimes with Christa. We were there for Easter and 4th of July. They were the most Godly couple one could ever meet.

A quick story which illustrates everything about them. When Christa and I were still dating, we were there for a weekend. Christa (who was still living in So Cal at the time) brought a homemade apple pie. Billy took one bite of it and said, Jeff, you need to marry this girl right now. I'll do the ceremony." At that point Bunny ( I still don't know her given name) popped up and said, "I'll get the minister's book!) No, we' didn't get married then. But this shows what a sweet, loving and enjoyable couple they were. They were probably married about 60 years or so and didn't know what to do without the other. This probably explained why Bunny went within a year or so of Billy.

I will miss them

Hurry up and wait

Ah, the frustrations of a job search.

There are some really good options out there that I am just waiting on. Tomorrow I've got an interview for another position at THe Mechanics Bank as Product Manager. I think I've got a pretty decent shot at it just because of my position at the bank. Perahps there may even be a bit of pressure for them to hire me. Who can say??

I've got a 2-hour long interview with the full search committee at the church in Walla Walla on the 11th. It's so far alway because the Senior Pastor is on a mission trip to India. But things look hopeful there..

I'm still waiting on some contact info at Dealertrack. If I could get an interview there, I'd likely have a good shot because of my relationships with dealers in the area.

But my best shot right now is probably at ECCU (Evangelical Christian Credit Union). I've interviewed twice and it looks good. I'm waiting to get a call back to find out what the next step is...probably a face-to-face interview at their headquarters in Orange County before an offer arrives. This is the one I am most hopeful about.

Can you schedule The Holy Spirit???

Over in Richmond, near my church is a Baptist church. For the last couple of weeks, they have had a sign outside that says "Revival Nov 14-17".

Silly me. I thought revival was the work of the Holy Spirit and depended upon when, where and on whom He wished to give a spirit of revival. I guess ther Baptists know how to get on the calendar better than others.

Caleb's funny bits...no, I'm not making this up

Today was the annual 'Friend Day' at church. Afterwards, we always have a big picnic and BBq with games to play, etc. Of course we went today and had a great time.

I was asking Caleb what he wanted to eat. I said, "Caleb, do you want a hot dog?" He replied, "No, daddy. Do they have any vegetables?" I'm not making this up (To quote Matt)

Bittersweet

Today was my last day at the bank...assuming that I don't end up in another position with them. People weren't really sure what to do with me. Most talked...some ignored...some hugs. No type of goodbye party or anything. If I had left of my own accord, you can be sure there would have been a lunch or somethng. But...nothing.

I packed up and moved all my stuff out. Called some dealers to let them know what was going on. I can imagine it was a bit awkward for others as well.

Life goes on. God is in control.

Quote of the day

"What I want to achieve is an understanding on our part that the Bible is not just a book of the past. It is far more than that; it is a book of the present and future. In all time, in all periods, in crisis as well as success, man may find his problems and anxieties defined in this Book of Books.

Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik

I really wish I knew what God was doing

Obviously I'm in the middle of my job search...primarily for a secular, banking job. I didn't have any churches on the horizon. But I got a call today from Brad hendrickson from Trinity Church in Walla Walla Washington. I had sent them my resume in July and never heard anything. Until today when I am on the phone for an hourlong interview.

Is this God's timing in everything??? Is it truly time to move on in ministry??? Brad and I had a great conversation. Our theology, philosophy of ministry, etc. match up really really well. We'll see what happens with this in coming days.

Funny bits from Caleb

On Sunday, Caleb was playng with his friend Octavia. She's older, about 8 or so and they were playing detective in the house after watching some Scooby-Doo. THey were going around with a pad of paper and octavia was writing down 'clues'. Such as 'Why is the broom out of the closet? Must be a clue."

They walk by Regan who is eating a piece of bread. Caleb says, "Regan is eating bread. Where DID (emphasis perfect) that bread come from? Must be a clue."

Something I just didn't need

I lost my job on Friday. Laid off with my department at the bnak shutting down...or at least changing radically. Since I was on the marketing end of things, I was the first to go. My boss will be taking early retirement next spring also. 11 years in the same place and no warning whatsoever, besides the fact that things were slow the last few months.

No really to worry, though. I got a pretty good severance package. Also, they still want me at the bnak and we are trying to find another position that I might be able to slide into. I've also got a red-hot lead with Well Fargo already. So I'm not too worried. I've got my resume already together and probably 4-5 places that I will send it tomorrow.

What do I do with this spiritually, though? I have no idea. When this gets factored in with my dad's illness and my call to full-time pastoral ministry, where do I go with this? My issue is how to interpret this from a spiritual point of view. And I have no answers right now. I was talked to Brigette, our church office manager about this today and she said that I tell and teach people how to interpret things like this everyday. She is right...that's part of my job. But it is easier when it is someone else. When it is me, I need to look a bit deeper than I normally do.

A postcard!! Silly me

Whenever my friend Matt goes on vacation, he sends me a postcard...maybe even one for everyday he and his family go away.When they went on vacation last year, he sent postcard the first day. I thought that was nice. Then another one came the second day. And on the third.

So when Matt found out I was gone a few days to the Russian River, his first comment was on the lack of postcards appearing daily in his mailbox. Well Matt, I did think of you. We were only about 25 from Fort Ross. Forst Ross is an old military installation used by the Russians in the 19th century (I think). For Matt's church, it holds a certain significance, being that his is an Eastern Orthodox church. I think the church makes a trip up there once a year to commemorate something. Beyond that, I can't be specific. But Matt can. And probably will be.

Russian River vacation

Although the weather did not cooperate 100%, we still managed to have an enjoyable time on vacation. We had a little cabin on the banks of the Russian River near the little town of Duncans Mills. The living space in the cabin was pretty decent, the but bedrooms were tiny. It ended up that Regan and Caleb both had a room and Christa and I slept on the couches (very comfy). It did rain a little when we were there and the weather was pretty much overcast at other times, but we still got out.

The one sunny day was Friday and we went hiking at Armstrong Redwoods State Park, just out of Guerneville. Great, humongous redwoods. Caleb had never seen such trees! There was a littel kids game that the ranger handed out, finding certain trees, etc. which Caleb loved. Regan loved it also. She had never been in a place like that before and loved touching trees, branches and leaves.

We also got to go wading in the Russian River and Caleb put his raft it. The river was not very deep and actually a bit warmer than I thought it would be. I could almost wade all the way across, but it got deep about 20 feet from the far shore (about 3 1/2 feet deep otherwise. It is September, after all). They also had a tree swing and a tetherball set. Caleb had never played tetherball before and, of coursem loved it.

We also went to the ocean at Bodega Bay. Great cheeseburgers at a local hangout-can't remember the name right now. Christa stayed in the car with Regan, who was asleep and Caleb and I went to the beach at Salmon Creek where all the surfers are. We found a big hole that someone had dug and Caleb and I spent time throwing kelp in it. Caleb said we were killing all the sea snakes.

I really enjoy quick vacations like this. It's not so much getting away to do anything dramatic, but it is a chance for the family to be together for some fun times in a new place and a chance for me to play with the kids more than I get to do at home. This was probably our last trip for awhile. We might try Sorensens in January for 3-4 days. A chance for the kids to play in the snow.

Going on vacation

We are getting out of town on Thursday for 4 days of vacation. We've got a cabin up in a little town on the Russian River called Duncan Mills. It's literally right on the river. Go down the path and there you are. It's about 10 miles from Jenner on the ocean also. A couple at church who own the cabin are giving us a free rental of it for the 4 days.

After everything that has gone on with my father the last few weeks, this will be a good chance to get away. We'll bring Caleb's raft and throw it in the river every day. We'll go to the beach at Jenner. We'll go to the Korbel Winery one day and have a picnic. Good, relaxing family time.

My recent prayer life

For the last couple of weeks or so, my prayer live has revolved very much around my father. Surprise, surprise. Other items that I normally pray about (ministry, family, faith, etc.) have ended up a bit in the background. Even my job search has ended up at least in second place. What I do pray about in regards to that deals with wisdom in how to conduct the job search in lieu of my father's illness. I continue to pray for him for salvation, that I would have enough time and courage to share the gospel with him as I should.

Why I am still here

Since January, I have been searching for a full-time pastoral job. I have gotten close on a couple and had to turn down one or two opportunities. I have had to ask myself why this search is taking so long and why God will not bless me with what it is that He has called me to do. Lately, it has been a bit frustrating.

And now my father has terminal cancer and is not a believer in Jesus Christ. Now I know why I am here. Now I know why God has not blessed me with a pastoral job in Oregnon, Idaho or wherever. I need to be here. Nowhere else. I am fully convinced that I am here because God wants me to lead my father to Jesus Christ. If that were to happen, it would be one of the greatest moments in my life

next stage men's group

In two weeks, I am starting my next men's small group, but this one will be markedly different from the last one. This will not be a year-long group because I cannot guarantee at all that I will be here in a year. Actually, I hope that I am not.

This will be a one-quarter long group (probably stretching into January a bit) that will look at the Abraham stories in Genesis 12-25. Bob Gustafson will be co-leading the group with me and I am grateful for the help in splitting up the leadership. This is also not an 'invite-only' group as my other groups have been but rather it is open to all men, though there are still a couple whom I am encouraging to join.

The signups for the group have been interesting so far and it promises to be a wildly divergent group. At one end, I have a young man named Dimitri, who is 18 years old and English is his second language, though he speaks very well. Then there is A man named Steve who is very well-versed in Scripture and ministry and has grown children. Everyone else seems to run in between these two. We have one more week of signups and then I will have the final numbers. So far, there are 7 men and I am hoping for 1-2 more

Update on my father

My father's illness is terminal...as we suspected. We held out some hope because, although the tumor is inoperable, the word terinal had no been used. Worse still is the fact that the prognosis is only short term. If he does not undergo any chemo treatment, he's got 1-2 months. If does undergo chemo, maybe up to a year. But we don't know how he will handle the chemo since he is 84. No decision has been made about whether to pursue a treatment option or not.

I need to talk to my father about God. For all intents and purposes, he is an atheist, or at best, an agnostic. BUt it is times like this that serve to turn people either towards God or away from God. My prayer is that this will turn him towards God in the time he has left. And it needs to start with me. The first step is today, just simply telling him that I and many others are pryaing for him. just from that, I'll begin to have an idea of where his heart is regarding divine things.

The Road

Every so often, I read a book that sticks like oatmeal on your ribs. Some books are throwaway. You read them, enjoy them, forget about them and give the book away. Not so with this one, which, even though I finished it 2 months ago, still haunts me on at least a weekly basis if not a daily one.

The book is called 'The Road' by Cormac McCarthy. Bestseller and all that. Also an Oprah book. I managed to overlook this part because I know McCarthy to be a solid writer. He writes westerns as well, including 'All The Pretty Horses', a definite classic. What is it about this book? No other book I have ever read has ever made me cry. But this one did in the last few pages.

The basic plot has a father and son (probably about 10 years old), both unnamed through the entire book, wandering through a post-apocalyptic world. It is never said what happened, whether it was nuclear, disease or whatever. What happened is irrelevent. The world they now live in is what is relevent. It is a world in which nothing grows, most people are dead and those who aren't eke out some sort of halfway existence by finding old stashes of canned food wherever they can and even resorting to cannibalism at times (this is only hinted at, not explicitly described.

The father and son wander throughout this world, trying to get to the ocean where they think things might be better. Most of the book is about their daily live as they struggle for just mere existence. Occasionally they see or run into people in the same shape that they are. Some are good but most are bad. As the book proceeds, the father's health declines and it becomes clear that he will die before the end of the book.

Die he does in the last 10 pages or so. Once the boy has left his father's body, he is approached by a man who has been following them and knows what has happened. He is part of a group that is also trying to survive and they are the good guys. This small group has more of a family feel, with a woman and at least one other child. At the end, they bury the father and the boy goes with the new group.

What affected me about the book is what it really is about. It's not about a man and a boy wandering through a dead world looking for food. It's about the love that a father has for his son and that the son has for the father. They will do anything for each other and each one's entire world is the other person. When the father died and I was able to understand the extent of his love for his son, that is what made me cry. Even though I love my son Caleb intensly, my love for him has deepened even more. When I had finished the book, even though Caleb was asleep, I climbed into bed with him to hold him tight.

My father's illness

It has been a tough ten days or so. My father has been diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer. He has a tumor on his pancreas that is about 2 inches long and cannot be removed because of all the blood vessels, etc. surrounding it. No official prognosis has been made, but pancreatic cancer is not one of the better cancers, they can't take it out and my dad is 84 years old.

It was discovered because he has some symptoms which needed to be diagnosed. First, he was losing weight. Second, no appetite. Third, pain in the abdominal area. The weight loss was caused by the tumor preventing any nutrition from food getting anywhere in his body. He's also got some bad jaundice right now because the tumor is blocking the bile ducts and things are backing up. The doctor is going to do surgery on Thursday to connect his intestine directly to his stomach, which (I guess) will release the jaundice and allow him to begin getting nutrition and hopefully gaining weight again.

After that, they will meet with the oncologist to determine a plan of treatment, whether it be chemo, radiation or whatever. I'lll keep posting here and updating his condition.

Sermon Notes on Nathaniel

This particular apostle is always called 'Nathaniel' in John, but referred to as Bartholomew in the 4 lists of apostles (Matthew, Mark, Luke, Acts). Why the difference?

Batholomew is Hebrew for "Son of Tolmei' (bar-Tolmei).

John refers to him by his proper name but referred to elsewhere in terms of his father.

Mentioned only in 2 passages and 2 of them incidental. In John 21, he is listed as one of the apostles who went fishing with Peter.

Passage where Nathaniel really comes alive is John 1:43-51
- Day after Andrew and Peter met Jesus.
- Jesus finds Phillip (couldn't wait for Phillip to come to Him)
- Phillip finds Nathaniel-must have been friends/had relationship

Nathaniel was a lover of Scripture
- Phillip refers to Jesus by Old Testament prophecy
- Probably studnet of Old Testament and he and Phillip studied together
- Didn't say he found someone with a plan for life or someone who can fix your problems or someone to give meaning to life.
- Nathaniel received Christ so easilty because he was so familiar with prophecies about Him.

Nathaniel had a prejudiced mind
- Might have quoted Micah 5:2 in terms of finding Messiah
- Not a rational or Biblical approach but an emotional and bigoted one. What good can come out of Nazareth?
- Nazareth a rough town. Unrefined and uneducated
- Galileans held Nazareth in comptemp-simply echoing local sentiments
- Inconceivable that Messiah would come from such a despised spot.
- Man's ears can be closed to the gospel becuase of prejudice. This rendered the Jewish nation dear to the arrival of Messiah.
- Phillip's answer was to come and see
- Correct way to deal with prejudice by producing facts. Prejudice is subjective but it goes away when subjected to reality.
- Nathaniel's prejudiced mind was not as powerful as his seeking heart.

Nathaniel had sincerity of heart
- Most important aspect of character mentioned by Jesus Himself
- Such wonderful words of approval from Jesus
- Purehearted with no hypocricy
- Means 'true' or 'genuine' Israelite.
- A Jew is not one who is one outwardly but one who is one inwardly (Romans 2:28-29

Nathaniel had easy faith
- Still possibly questions whether Jesus is Messiah or not
- Is Jesus just trying to flatter him?
-Not flattery but omniscence
-Seeing hm under the fig tree was enough for Nathaniel to recognize Messiah
- What Phillip didn't get at the end, Nathaniel got at the beginning
- One simple statement was enough to convince Nathaniel but he ain't seen nothing yet!!

God can take the most common people from insignificant places with significant flaws and use them to His Glory

Sermon notes on Matthew Part 2

The only time that Matthew talks about himself in his gospel is when he is called by Jesus. It was in Capernaum, Jesus' adopted hometown, so he was known. Matthew was a tax collector there. Jesus comes by the tax office and calls him to follow. Immediately, Matthew closes up shop and follows. He then throws a banquet and invites the only people who will socialize with him...other tax collectors and sinners. His first response was to introduce others to Jesus.

AN outcast among Jews, he couldn't even go to synagogue. His only other friends would be those on the outskirts of society.

Matthew made a greater sacrifice than any other apostle. Peter could go back to fishing if this Jesus thing didn't work out. But once Matthew left, the Romans would have someone else there in no time. He was finished. Yet he still followed.

What caused him to get up and follow?
Deep down he was a Jew who knew the O.T. and was spiritually hungry.
He had a spiritual hunger that he didn't know how to fill
Most difficult place for Christian to be...In conscious sin but not doing anything about it.

Summary of Matthew
- Knew O.T.
- Dropped everything to follow Jesus
- Embraced outcasts and introduced them to Jesus
- Man of quiet humility
- God often takes despicable people, redeems them, gives them new hearts and uses them in remarkable ways.

Finally getting back to normal

The last couple of weeks ave been out of the ordinary and I fee like only now that we are getting back to some semblance of normalcy. I've even been away from here for about 2 weeks and it's time to reconnect.



Living Hope Church in Dixon passed on me as their pastor. I'm disappointed because I thought that would be a great fit between my giftedness and what was going on there. I could have taken that church to the next level. I had a plan for growing it not only numerically but also spiritually. There's no reason that church should not be 300 people. I pray God's blessing upon them as they continue their search.



I still feel that I am in the middle of God's will in this search. It's taken a few months and a little bit of disappointment here and there, but my faith and trust is in God to take me where He will take me. I am called to pastoral ministry and will continue to persevere to be obedient to what God wants and where He wants me.



Tomorrow I'm going to get back to some of my notes on the 12 Apostles

Rom Wilch

Last night, I talked to a friend for the first time in 10 years. A pity it took so long, but we just really lost touch once I became more disengaged from Orange County in the mid 90's. I had wanted to find Rom many times and googled his name every so often, but usually all I came up with was a black fashion designer by the same name.

Until I put in not only his name but also the company he worked for...Dupont. Then I tracked him down.. I found him on the website for the Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton where he was under consideration to be an elder. I got in touch with one of the pastors there who got me in touch with Ron.

Assuming he has not changed, Ron is one of the most humble and encouraging men I have ever known. Every time we talked or got together, I always came away with a refreshed soul. Let me mention a quick story which sums up his character well...he actually reminded me of the story last night.

When we were both involved in the singles ministry at Mariners Church in Newport Beach, I would always be there early because I was in charge of doing nametags. One night, it was my birthday, but I was still there doing nametags. Rom also came early, went out to my pickup truck and wrote on it that it was my birthday. So of course everyone coming in is wishing me a happy birthday and I didn't find out until later what had actually happened.

There's more stories also, such as exploding bean dip around a campfire and a prayer by ron causing a thunderstorm to stop. But those are for another time. Needless to say. I'm glad we're back in touch and I look forward to renewing our friendship

New Car

We bit the bullet today and bought a new car. The conclusion on the MPV is that there was a transmission issue and we'd need to replace it within 6 months. Having already replaced the tranny at 57k miles, I wasn't about to do it again at 98k. So bye-bye, good riddance and no more Mazdas.

So we got an 07 Nissan Pathfinder. It's a base model, but it's still got a fair amount of bells and whistles. Power everything, cd player, etc. No 4x4, but when do I ever go off-roading???

Once we negotiated the lease, our monthly payment is only $209. Special interest rate on the lease, rebate on the car and $500 back of invoice on it. Just gave them the MPV and we got credited $4500 for the downpayment.

Sermon Notes on Matthew

Jesus disdained religious elitism, especially that practiced by the Pharisees and Sadducees. None of them were selected to be among His 12 apostles. Instead, He took Matthew, the absolute opposite of everything that 'official' Judaism stood for in Jesus' time.

Matthew was the most notorious sinner of the 12 apostles. He was also the author of the gospel attributed to his name, but even so, he reveals no real details about himself in his writing. He only mentions his own name twice, first when he lists the apostles in Mt 10 and again when he mentions his own call in Mt 9.

He was also probabbly the most educated of all the gospel writers and had the most knowledge of the Old Testament. He quotes the Old Testament 99 times in his gospel, more than any of the other gospel writers.

His biggest claim to fame is that he was known as a tax collector, the most hated profession among the Jews. He bought a tax franchise from the Romans and sat at a table all day collecting levies and tolls. He had to collect a certain amount for the Roman government, but anything he collected above that was his. This gave rise to incredible extortion among tax collectors and because they worked for Rome, they were hated by the Jews. They were treated as traitors. They could not attend synagogue. They could not testify in court. Hated and despised above all things.

Stress in the house

Things are a bit stressed around the house...have been for a couple of days and probably will continue to be so for another couple of days.

We are without a kitchen. We are getting new countertops put in, which necessitated taking out the sink and turning off the water. We have been without full use of our kitchen since July 4. It was supposed to all be done in a week or so. Our sink is in our dining room. Our dishes are being done in the bathroom. Lots of sandwiches, etc. for dinner. Tomorrow, God willing, everything in the kitchen gets back together. The countertops go in in the morning and the sink and water go back in in the evening.

And then there's the car. The van has officially bit the dust. It needs a new transmission at 99k miles. We already replaced the tranny at 57k. First and last Mazda I will ever buy. So we are leasing a brand-new Nissan Pathfinder on Wed.

Sermon notes on James Part 4

James is the only apostle whose death is recorded in Scripture. This man of zeal, passion, and ambitio had become too much of a threat to Herod. Acts 12:1-3 records this little story.

When it became time for Herod to try and stop the church, James appeared to be the bigger threat. He was killed where Peter was only imprisoned. Herod probably thought he could control Peter but not James.

Who would you rather have as a pastor? One with burning, flaming, passionate enthusiasm and zeal, or a middle-of-the-road cold compromiser. I'll take the flame-thrower any day.

Living Hope Church of Dixon

I had a pastoral interview at the Living Hope Church of Dixon. I can't tell you what an exciting opportunity this church offers whatever pastor ends up here. They are poised for explosive growth, even if they don't really think so. First, they have that all-important demographic which every church craves...young families. I felt like I was one of the older people there. think there were only 1-2 people over the age of 50. Lots of kids, teenagers and babies. Most families were in their 30's, I would guess. Second, they've got 90% of their people involved in service at the church. This is a church where the people want to jump in and help. What a struggle this often is for pastors, to get people to volunteer and help out.

Dixon is also an area without any really big churches and it is a growing area. This serves to make Dixon a 'target-rich' environment. The elder board is also in the midst of becoming much more shepherd-like to the people at the church. When the previous pastor was there, sometimes the attitude what laid back because they thought the pastor would do the work. The elders are really jumping into the void and taking on additional responsibility.

What a great opportunity this could be??

Jewish holidays

Someone said once that every Jewish holiday can be summed up with 9 words. They tried to kill us... We won... Let's eat.

Vacation

We just got back from our summer vacation a couple of days ago. We spend 3 days at a resort in Angels Camp and then 4 days at a condo in Tahoe Donner.

In ANgels Camp, we borrowed a friend's time share...had to sit through a timeshare presenttion which netted us a bay cruise in Sf, a $40 gift certificate at Olive Garden and three days in San Diego (includes flight and hotel). Not a bad deal. It wasn't really that much of a high pressure game, but it was a lot like car dealers. What do I have to do to get you in this timeshare today?

Perhaps the most fun we had in Angels Camp is when we went to Murphys. It's a historic goldmining town with a great little park in the middle of the downtown area. running through the park is a creek/stream/small river. Kids from all over were playing in it and we spent about 3 hours there, swimming and rafting. We have a small rubber raft with paddles which we blew up and sent Caleb and Christa downstream several times. Even Regan loved it. She was in her bathing suit as well and was dipping her little chubby legs in the stream.

After 3 days there we packed up and took Hwy 49 through Jackson, Placerville and Auburn on the way to Donner Lake. We had a condo in an area known as Tahoe Donner, just north of Donner Lake. We spent several days there also playing in the creeks and rivers. We were about 3 miles from Donner State Park which also had a great creek running through it. We were there just about everyday, playing and frolicking in the creekbed.

What I enjoyed about this vacation was the family togetherness. I often miss that with all that I do at home. It was great just to be able and spend each entire day with my family and not have to worry about the bank, church, etc.

Trying to decide on new car

Christa and I have to decide soon if we are going to get rid of the van and get something new or not. Hopefully we will have some answers today about the transmission in the van, whether it is shot or can be fixed somehow. We replaced the tranny at 57K miles and now the new one is doing the same thing at 98K. One should not have to put a 3rd transmission in a car before 100k miles.

If we get something new, we wil probably lease unless we can find an amazing deal. Here are the SUV's we will be looking at:

Saturn Vue
Saturn Outlook
Toyota Highlander
Toyota 4Runner
Nissan Nurano
Nissan Xterra
Nissan Pathfinder

Sermon notes on James Part 3

With great zeal and passion often come ambition and overconfidence in equal measure. This was also true for James. He was no different.

Matthew 20:20-24 records the story of James and John bringing their mother (Salome) to Jesus to ask that He would give them first place in His Kingdom. I'm surprised He didn't just laugh at them. He replied that they didn't know what they were getting themselves into and asked if they could do what He was going to do (He used the phrase 'drink the cup') Bursting with confidence, they of course said that they could. Jesus agreed with them that they would.

Their ambition was such that they wanted first place in the kingdom. Peter could have it while down here on earth, but they wanted it in the kingdom.

They wanted glory but did not know that in the kingdom of God, suffering precedes glory. THey thought they could do anything that Jesus could do!!!

Notice in vs 24 that they other disciples grumbled about this. That's because they had not thought of it first!!!

James wanted a crown of glory but Jesus gave him a cup of suffering.
James wanted power, but Jesus gave him servanthood
James wanted prominence and Jesus made him the first of the Apostles to be martyred.
James wanted to rule but Jesus gave him a sword for his own execution.

Quick note on James

I should have mentioned that James was the first martyr among the 12 Apostles. Stephen was the first martyr (Acts 7-8) even though he was not an Apostle

Sermon Notes on James Part 2

There are a couple of passages in the gospels and one in the book of Acts where James shows up, either with John or by himself. Each of these passages gives us insight into the character of James.

The first is in Luke 9:51-56. Jesus has set His path towards Jerusalem and decided to take the quickest rout to it, which goes through the heart of Samaria. Jews traveling to Jerusalem usually took the long route around Samaria, but Jesus and the apsotles went right through. Unfortunately, the Samaritans refused them a VISA to get through. James and John were filled with outrage and demanded that something be done. They asked Jesus if they should call fire down from heaven to destroy the Samaritans.

They probably thought they had good historical precedent for this. Way back in 2 Kings 1, Elijah did exactly that...called down fire on some Samaritans in that very area and killed them. James and John thought they were on good historical grounds. Their motives were wrong...they used 'we' instead of 'you'. But their zeal to defend Christ was good.

Jesus' response to this request of theirs was to say, "For the Son of man did not come to destroy men's lives but to save them." Lovingkindness and mercy are virtues which are to be cultivated at least as much, if not more than zeal and passion.

Years later, Philip the evangelist (not the Apostle) had an amazing ministry among the Samaritans, bringing many of them to Christ. If the request of James and John had been answered, there might not have been any SAmaritans left to become believers.

Sermon notes on James Part I

James- the Apostle with the dark side (apologies to Star Wars).

What do we know about James?

- Older brother in a well-to-do or even rich family of fishermen
- ALways mentioned ahead of brother John so probably older brother
- Father had hired servants -unusual for fishermen
- Called 'Sons of Zebedee'. Father must have been important for that reference. Peter and Andrew, who were also fishermen are never mentioned in connection with their father
- John 18:16 John knew the high priest and could get Peter into his house
- The family obviously had connections
- Might have seemed like natural leader of the Apostles (tried to take over leadership at one point)
- Only thing he was first in was being the first martyr


- Part of Jesus' inner circle (Peter, James, John). Several times, Jesus took only them with Him.
- Saw Jairus' daughter raised from dead and James saw Jesus' power
- Saw transfiguration and James saw Jesus' Glory
- In Garden of Gethsemane and saw Jesus' agony.

All these things prepared James for his coming martydom

James was a man of passion and fiery zeal. But he also had problems with anger and a temper. He possibly also had a mean streak in him

Described by nickname of Boanerges (sons of thunder). Not a nickname given to Woody Allen but rather to a thunderous, larger-than-life personality.

Legitimate place in ministry for such people, those with thunderous personality. Nothing inherently wrong with such zeal, but it must be trained and tempered.

- Zeal without knowledge is damning
- Zeal without wisdom is dangerous
- Zeal with insensitivity is cruel
- Zeal with uncontrolled passion is deadly

How did Jesus begin training James so that his zeal and passion could be used for good?

My men

I am rapidly approaching the end of my men's discipleship group. Only about 8 weeks to go and we are done. It will be a bit of a sad occasion because we really enjoy meeting with each other, sharing our lives and Scripture and being in prayer.

Each year, I select a group of men to be in a discipleship group with me. It's 'invite-only', not an open group. I spend a year with them in dsicipleship, usually teaching them a particular section of Scripture (this year it is Genesis 12-50), giving them some additional books to read and going on a retreat or two.

Something good happened at our group tonight. One of the men named Paul has been working for a couple of weeks on developing more intimacy with God, especially during times of reading and studying Scripture. It's been a big concern of his and I have encouraged him to actually schedule his time with God. Don't treat it as something you are doing but rather someone you are meeting with.

Tonight he said his time with God in the last week or so has been extraordinary. He has been practicing the disciplines of solitude and silence. This is all well and good to hear from him. But the real treat was hearng what came out of his mouth as we were sharing what we had learned in this week's Genesis story (Genesis 42). There was more depth and wisdom than perhaps he had shown all year. There was clarity of thought and purpose to a degree which Paul had not shown before. There is obviously a tight correlation between what he learned this week in Scripture and his intimacy with God.

My prayer for Paul is that it would continue this upcoming week.

Let me tell you about last night's dinner

I had'nt really cooked a lot recently, so I decided to go a bit overboard last night. Seemed like a good time to do it and Christa really appreciated it.

Of course it started with my Friday night martini (1 and 1 only a week) I steamed some asparagus and set it aside to cool. I served it with a tarragon vinaigrette. The secret to the dressing is that you must use champagne vinegar. A bit pricey, but well worth it. I also roasted some potatoes with an onion olive oil mix and they of course were fantastic.

The best of course was the filet mignon. I made a mushroom ragout to go on top. It had (of course) mushrooms, garlic, a little red wine and heavy cream. Saute it all together for awhile until it reduces. Serve it over the filets.

I've learned a new secret for cooking steak, and it's the only way I will do it now. I took the filets and pressed in some salt and pepper on one side only and then cooked it for 5 minutes on 1 side in a cast-iron pan (the pan is one of the secrets) I then finished it off by roasting it in the over for about 10 min at 450 degrees. Sublime. Of course, there was the bottle of Merlot also.

How the 12 could do what they did

Act 17 records the story of the Jews who were unhappy with the apostles' teaching and stormed Jason's house in order to bring the 12 out, presumably to stone them. They were not there, however, so it was Jason who was dragged to the city square. The Jews then said this in 17:6, "Those who have turned the world upside down have come here." That's a pretty dramatic testimony to what these men did. But remember, they didn't have much going for them to begin with. How could they, a group of fisherman, an IRS agent and probably some other tradesmen or craftsmen turn the world upside down?

Acts 4 records another little story. Peter and John were out preaching and the religious leaders were amazed and astonished. Why? The knew who these guys were. Just some fishermen and nobodys. They knew they were untrained and uneducated. Then they connected the dots. They had been with Jesus. That was the key. Not their lack of education or anything like that, but the fact that they had walked with Jesus and had been personally trained by Him.

There came a point in the gospels where opposition to Jesus was increasing and the Jews wanted to get rid of Him. Jesus knew that His earthly ministry had its limits and the cross would soon appear on the horizon. Once He chose the 12, He began to spend His time more and more with them and less with large crowds. His personal training of them began and it was intense. On the surface, they didn't seem to have a lot of potential.

They lacked spiritual discernment. To counter this, Jesus taught and taught all the way until His ascension. They lacked humility, so He modeled it by washing their feet. They lacked faith, so He did miracles and other wonderous acts. They lacked commitment, so He prayed that they would remain strong. They lacked power, so He sent them the Holy Spirit.

All these things we lack also, but by the grace of God, they are given us also so we may minister in the Kingdom of God.

Lots of preaching going on

I'm in the middle of preaching 5 out of 7 weeks at a couple of different churches in the area. The one I'm at the most right now is Glen Ellen Community Church. I'm in the midst of a 4 week series (2 now and 2 in July) on the lives of the 12 Apostles. Who were these guys? How were they able to do what they did? As I've progessed in this study, I've realized that the common feature amongst all of them is that they were perfectly ordinary. Nothing remarkable in any of them.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to be including some of my sermon notes here. Some of the apostles we know pretty well, like Peter. But what about the more obscure ones, like Simon the Zealot and James the son of Alphaeus? Should prove interesting.

Showing Hesed

So how to show hesed to this business associate of mine? It's a difficult situation with no easy answers. He is very anti-religious and even apart from that we really don't get along on a personal level. We both do not think the other one is very good at their job. He is tightly controlled, very detailed in his approach to things and generally insists that every 'T' be crossed and "I" dotted. He sometimes has a hard time doing anything that is even vaguely outside of established guidelines. I, on the other hand, tend to work more (both at the bank and at the church) spontaneously and try to see the bigger picture. I don't always want to get bogged down in details.

Bottom line...I need to pray for Jerry (hard thing to do for someone you don't really like). That's the first good step towards showing some hesed.

Religious persecution at work

Hard to believe, but I am on the receiving end of some religious persecution at the bank. I am bi-vocational, working both at Bay Hills Community Church and THe Mechanics Bank. My colleague at the bank, a man named Jerry, is about as anti-religous as they get. In the last week or so, he has delighted in making any snide comment about religion. Not even attempts at any type of humor or joke...just out and out mean.

Here are 2 examples. "hey Jeff, do you know where the nearest Hooters is?" I replied that I didn't and was wondering why he asked me. He said, "Because most of them are located in the Bible belt, so I thought you would know."

Second example. We are both looking at loan applications on Monday morning. Jerry pipes up and says, "Here's one that we should turn down. It's a minister. Matter of fact, the first loan I ever did here which turned out to be a repossession was a minister."

Myriad of opportunities

Preaching is one of the gifts which God has given me to further His Kingdom. It is what I aspire to do as I continue my pastoral job search. But I'm getting some pretty fantastic opportunities for this right now.

In the past, I've always done one week preaching assignments and never done a back-to-back. Wel,, that's coming to an abrupt end. I'm preaching at 2 different churches a total of 5 times in the next 7 weeks. More good prep fro God for ministry.

This week and next week I am at our church in Glen Ellen, up by Sonoma. The 2 weeks off before I make an appearance at our Dixon church. Then 2 more weeks at Glen Ellen. As things move along, I'm going to provide some notes here on what I have taught at the variosu churches.

Little girl sick

My 4 1/2 month old daughter Regan is sick. She appears to have developed a cold that is really bothering her. She didn't sleep much at all yesterday and didn't go to sleep until after midnight last night. Poor little girl was so incredibly overtired plus dealing with the cold. Christa and I tried to pull every trick out of the bag to help her sleep but nothing worked. Nursing, rocking, ledtting her cry it out...nothing. I even used the means of last resort. I loaded her into the car and went for a drive. No such luck. I finally ended up going to sleep and Christa stayed up with her until she finally went down about 12:30 or so. I was going to have an easier time sleeping with her crying than Christa would. I think it was a good team effort which eventually paid off. Caleb, of course, slept through the entire thing.

Living Hesed

I suppose the first thing to do is say a bit about what this title means and where this particular blog will be going. I had a previous blog named 'postcards from the word', but I gave up on it. For one thing, I coulnd't log onto it for some reason, even though my passwords were valid. It was becoming a bit trivial at the end anyway. I had lost my way, to an extent. So be it.

So here it is. What is hesed? Brian Morgan of Peninsula Bible Church has said that it is the key to understanding the Old Testament. If one understands hesed, one understands the Old Testament. The best translation is probably either 'loyallove' or 'lovingkindness'. In either case, it is a description of how Yahweh dealt with Israel. Always through hesed. This is also the way in which The Lord deals with His children today, on the basis of lovingkindness and loyallove. We see it over and over again in the Old Testament in the stories of Israel and the great heroes of faith. We see it in the New Testament through the actions of Jesus, the early church and also it is strongly written about in Paul's letters.

This blog is called 'Livinghesed' because that is what I do and desire to do everyday. It is what I do because I am under God's protection. In essence I am living in the midst of hesed everyday of my life. But the other half is important also. I also want to live as a conduit of hesed in the lives of others everyday. I want to be one who acts towards others with loyallove and lovingkindness.

So here we go